Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
