he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
smell my finger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just forgot I was standing up.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
