My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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