Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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