She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
