this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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