So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
