I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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