dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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