You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
