I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
