I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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