yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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