Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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