Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need a beard to bite.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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