dude i'm inner monologue high
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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