i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
