Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
