I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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