I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
