he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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