I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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