dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
