i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
