If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize