So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
