Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
