I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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