Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize