i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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