is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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