Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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