Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
