And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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