He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
