I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
