He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
