Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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