ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
