fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
