Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
