Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
