I cannot find my penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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