He had one of those small greek statue penises
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
