Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize