I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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