The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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