I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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