and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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