I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
