Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize