Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
