dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
