all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
