You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
