i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize