I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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