It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
