I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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