Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
