I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
