We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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