Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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