i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
