if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
