You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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