We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
