she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
