There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
