dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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