Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
