lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
