I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
