if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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