Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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