I seem to have left my pride at pride
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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