i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
