So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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