Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
