I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
