she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
