There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
