New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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