all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
