Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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