Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
