just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
COCAINE IS GR8
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize