Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
