worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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