where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
