I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
