We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
