ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
